Dying was our Baron, lying on the ground,
Life seeping away from him, quickly heaven-bound.
At his side, our Lady Baroness, face contorted in a frown,
Said, "Love, what would you have of me?"
He answered, "Bring me coffee from the town!"

Lalalala, lalalala,
And he answered, "Bring me coffee from the town!"

And so our Lady Baroness called her ladies nigh.
She took her silver and her gold, bid her love goodbye.
She made no sigh of protest; 'twas the duty of a wife
Of a strong and noble baron
To search out the Elixir of Life.

Lalalala, lalalala,
To search out the Elixir of Life.

Her mount, it was a hybrid of great mileage and great speed,
With room to seat a dozen maids, a fearless noble steed,
But with no knack for navigation, and they quickly lost their way,
Wandering through this foreign land, their hearts laden with dismay,
When out of the corner of her eye, she saw looming to one side
Of the road a fearsome, snarling beast, arrows bristling in its hide.
Great metal-coated mandibles, teeth powerful and foul,
It dropped it jaws and raised its claws, shrieked an eardrum-splitting howl.
But our Baroness, such a beauty, need only look into its eyes.
It heaved a sigh and settled down, completely mesmerized.

Lalalala, lalalala,
And the dragon, by her beauty was mesmerized.

The dragon now behind them, they continued up the road,
And as the son rose higher, they with worry overflowed,
When at last they met a farmer with his child and his wife.
Asked the Baroness, "Please tell us, where is the Elixir of Life?"

Said the farmer to the Baroness, "To yon Starbucks you must go.
'Tis not a great deal further, just continue up this road.
'Tis there you'll find a creature, a mysterious and great being,
A mage called a Barista, doing magic with a bean.
The Elixir, cream, and sugar that will cure your husband's ails,
Topped with whipped cream and a lid, in a Venti Holy Grail.

Lalalala, Lalalala,
In a Venti, In a Venti Holy Grail.

The Baroness did thank him, and continued on her way,
But lo, no Starbucks did she find. Did our Lady's resolve sway?
No, no, no, not ever, her quest she carried on.
But every fool she questioned said that Starbucks was just yon.
Then above her head, a Seven, glowing with unearthly light,
And there the coffee flowing free! What a blessed, blessed sight!

Lalalala, lalalala,
Oh Seven Eleven, a blessed sight,
Our Baroness returned to her husband's side.
He said, "Goodbye my ladylove, for now, alas, I die!"
The baroness only smiled at her husband's solemn frown.
She said, "My love, o you'll not die. Here's some coffee from the town!"

Lalalala, lalalala,
Here's the coffee, here's the coffee from the town!